Do you hear or say statements like these?
“We have the same argument over and over”
“We live like roommates”
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you”
“I wish we could work together, not against each other”…then you’ve come to the right place.
Couples coaching is helpful when partners find their relationship has become less rewarding and less romantic, or more conflictual and argumentative. You may feel your relationship is on the brink of separation or divorce, or you may wish to improve what you have and increase your ability to collaborate as a couple and increase your levels of emotional and physical intimacy.
Couples Coaching
Some relationships deteriorate over time, often without partners really being aware of the changes. Other couples go through relationship changing events such as affairs and infidelity. Some experience other situations that lead partners to question their trust in each other or leave them believing that they just can’t come to a workable solution.
Partners can often present as highly functioning individuals. They may do well in life, at work, or school – but the cracks start to show in their intimate relationships. A close, intimate, long-term relationship can really test individuals and their ability to function effectively and collaboratively, sometimes to their limits.
I work with a wide variety of couples and their presenting problems, but one common theme that re-occurs time after time, is that relational dysfunction usually stems from each partner’s own ability to operate as solid, independent individuals whilst being in a close and intimate relationship with each other. This is known as the partner’s level of differentiation. My work with couples is very much based on the Crucible Approach® developed by Dr. David Schnarch. You can read more about my training with the Crucible Institute® in the about me section.
This approach creates relational change through personal growth. Couples are challenged to consider their individual contributions to their relational dysfunction and to grow to be better able to manage themselves and their emotions while collaborating with their partner & developing a deeper connection with each other.
Sometimes couples come to me for help as a “last resort”, or because a serious relationship threatening event has recently occurred. Maybe one or both partners are seriously considering separation or divorce. Often, if this is the case, couples may feel they are some way off from contemplating the idea of developing a deeper connection with their partner. At this point, the work is more focused on developing an understanding of the potential of the relationship and whether continuing the relationship could be a viability. This work is centered around establishing what each partner might need in order to be able to consider working on the relationship before transitioning to couples therapy.
I explore clients and their presenting problems within various contexts, including the individual’s cultural and ethnic backgrounds. I believe it is important to understand an individual or family’s traditions, rituals, and language.
My goal is to assist my clients to identify their personal strengths and potential for positive change, to create new ways of seeing themselves, their relationships, and their world, and to help them develop themselves in ways that promote flexibility and an ability to live life and their relationships to a greater potential.